Seasons

I learn best through metaphor... so bear with me. I live in Colorado where our lives are governed by seasons. We pray for winter snows to water our desert land where we plant crops in the spring to harvest in the summer and fall. Our crops freeze a lot of the time. Not only is there nothing we can do about it, we have to wait later in the year for the fruits of our labor or "borrow" someone else's.  We have a dry season, a tourist season, a slow season, a harvest season, an apple season, monsoon season, yard sale season, fire season, color season, hunting season, calving/lambing season, football/basketball/baseball/soccer season, wildflower season... I could go on and on.

Each of these seasons have emotion attached to them. We anticipate the tourist season so we can pay our bills without sweat and tears. We fear fire season and its destructiveness. We wait ever so impatiently for monsoon season where we revel in 12% humidity during the rain storm.  We love calving/ lambing season as we watch the newborn babies learn to play but fear that there is still so much cold left until spring. We turn our tv satellite service on for football season and fiercely proclaim our allegiance to the Broncos. We yell and coach and try to rest up for our kids sports seasons. We love wildflower and color season as the colors are so vibrant and creative. Again, I could go on and on. As with all things natural I try to apply it to my spiritual journey.

As I dread the coming of winter in my physical self I feel myself dread the winter in my spirit too. But as I have learned to see beauty in cute boots and new snow I am training myself to see beauty in spiritual winter too. Learning to breathe with the seasons of the church has helped in this. The ordinary time does not mean God is far away. It means He is in the ordinary just as actively as He is in the celebrations. In my winter season I use more of the contemplative disciplines to practice his presence. I read. I meditate. I am quiet (yes during winter basketball season when I am the crazy coaching parent in the stands it is hard to visualize this...haha). It is this season where I love "Yard sale" season of the soul. I take something of someone else's and make it my treasure. During the "monsoon" season of the soul I take in the rain from heaven and store it away. For me this looks like worship services or retreats etc. Where I am immersed in God for a period of time.

There are some seasons I am in now and I keep thinking "will this ever change?" or "I hope this never changes!". I remind myself that God is always faithful to bring the next season. Winter always follows fall. But spring ALWAYS follows winter. This season too will pass. I will soon look back and say "that wasn't so bad and went so quickly". I take great solace in Ecclesiastes 3... There is a season for everything under the sun.  I recently saw a quote that read "The difference between a good [season] and a bad [season] is your attitude." I am praying that my seasonal attitude will be to see Jesus in all seasons!

"Still Good" Saturday: Children Are Horrible Hiders

This blog in it's original form was posted at www.Renovare.org Confront a three year old with, “Did you eat the candy out of your brother’s Christmas stocking?” And you will likely get a, “No.”  But their bodies will tell the truth. Their eyes will look away, their shoulders will curve inwardly and some will fidget.

The Candle Light Christmas Eve service is one I would never miss. Rows and rows of children wiggling with fire is a delight to the eyes. (And frankly a bit of an adrenaline rush as I visually locate the fire extinguisher and count the exits.) Their excitement for Christmas morning cannot be hidden in their bodies. They simply can’t pull it off.

It’s why children dance in the worship service while adults try to contain them. We, adults, have learned to hide the joy of the Lord in our bodies, they have not… yet.

One of the ways we help children in their life with God, is by helping them to keep their parts connected. Mind/emotions/thoughts and feelings, connected to spirits/hearts and bodies.  There are many ways to foster this connection. Here are a few…

• Acknowledge that bodies are good. We get lots of feedback from our culture saying that certain kinds of bodies are good and others are not. We, as followers of an Incarnate God, say, “No way.” All bodies are good. We even get feedback from some in the Christian community saying that bodies are bad. Granted often what we do with our bodies is destructive, but that usually comes from separating the body from the spirit. Turning a person into a thing. Bullying is an example of this. So is sexism and racism.
• One of my greatest struggles, when my children were small, came in the form of confronting "The Public Tantrum."  The “I know you are upset, but we are in Target and you need to shape up,” said through clinched teeth while half the store has stopped and is staring. The mind/emotions are indeed upset and the body is simply living in sync.  As children grow older they do need to learn the appropriateness of, “there is a time and place for everything;” but forcing them to shut off emotion to satisfy my own embarrassment is not healthy for either of us. Each situation is different and each person is different, so it's hard to find one solution, but I think the place we start is by listening. Stopping and actively listening. Then we think,  how can I acknowledge emotions and help my child move them into appropriate expressions?
• Help their experiences of God to flow into their bodies as well as their minds. When we experience God in all our parts we grow strong and balanced. Try assigning parts and acting out the miracles of Jesus. Try praying with your body.  Roy DeLeon’s book, Praying with the Body is a great place to start. Read Psalm 23 aloud, invite your children to act it out with their bodies.
• Take frequent nature walks and name all the bodies you see, including the human ones. Pray simple prayers to thank God for his good creation.

How do you keep parts in sync? (Both yours and the people who leave their gum on your kitchen table.)

*An insightful book that talks about the parts of the person is Dallas Willard's Renovation of the Heart.

Kids Devotional Activity: Four Seeds

A few weeks ago in our Good Dirt devotions we read the Parable of the Sower, the passage that inspired the title of the book. We had just finished dinner on our back patio, enjoying a warm summer evening together.

Per usual, the children’s attention was wandering, so we did a spontaneous outside activity. We have citrus trees in our backyard, so I had the kids run and grab a piece of fruit. Then I asked them to open up the fruit and grab four seeds each.

The Parable of the Sower describes four soils: the path, the rocks, the thorns and the good dirt. Armed with their four seeds, I sent them off to find each of the different surfaces and see what happened when they tried to plant them. The path was easiest to find, as the kids threw the seed down on the concrete patio. Next was the rocks, which was mix of wood chips and a few large stones. Then came the thorns--we have rose bushes and blackberries, but that didn’t seem to fit the story. So we decided to plant the seeds among the weeds (those were easy to find in my backyard).

Lastly, the good dirt. The children found a soft, loamy section of ground and buried their mandarin seeds there.

In our little exercise, the children were able to see the simplicity of the message. Which one of these seeds is more likely to grow? Clearly. the one in the good dirt. It is soft, able to receive both the seed and the water and sun required to nourish it. The path, however, is hardened against the outside world and cannot receive.

May our hearts be like the good dirt, able to receive the Word and be changed by it.

Happily Ever After

Sometimes the happenings of this world feel beyond what the heart can bear. A beloved comedian's tragic death. Reports of horrific conflict and genocide in the Middle East, with many of the victims children, their pictures transported thousands of miles across oceans to verify the reality of carnage. Closer to home, this moment, a family gathers at the deathbed of a dear husband, father and grandfather whose body succumbs to cancer, none ready to part with him.

Tragic pain. Heartrending loss. Inner and outer turmoil that the spirit in its purest place knows don't belong in this world, really. As parents we shudder and push through our days. As love-invaded friends of God we offer silent prayers framed with unspoken questions. And then a child's query breaks the silence.

"Why did he die? What happened?" And we have to find words somehow that are truthful and that teach.

Today I came across a gingerbread house-shaped book my third grader wrote last spring in school. His class was studying fairy tales and had the chance to write one. Derrin titled his "The Rabbit Prince and the Bunny Queen." The story unfolds complete with magic wand, castle, and dungeon, and it ends this way:

The prince got the key and got the princess. They ran out of the palace. They got in love and got married! and they lived happily ever after!!!

I smile at a child's simple resolution to problems and his belief in uncomplicated happiness-ever-after. If only ...  And then I think about Bartimaeus, the blind man who Jesus healed. We read about him together with Good Dirt a few nights ago. Bartimaeus received his sight "and followed Jesus along the road, " according to the Gospel of Mark. He begged Jesus for mercy, received it, and then  followed the Savior. It wasn't complicated.

I'm not sure if Bartimaeus lived happily ever after, but in following Jesus he had what he needed most. The evil in the world certainly raged on--Jesus would soon be killed, and death eventually came to this follower, but a bigger reality encompassed Bartimaeus. His life was hidden not in a dungeon or a castle, but with God in Christ for each moment and into eternity. He couldn't be touched by a mean rat (as in Derrin's tale) or an act against himself, a sword or invading bodily cells. Following Jesus put a greater reality in place.

We still stand against evil and illness, yet as we do we seek more and more to know Jesus' mercy in our lives, as Bartimaeus did, and to speak His mercy and life to a hurting world.

Thank God for His Word. It straightens crooked and broken hearts. And as we weep with those who weep, it holds out the promise of lives hidden in Christ for ever after.

The Biggest Piece

I was sitting at a baseball game for one of our boys last week and chatting with my mom, who had come to watch the game. She shared with me about a dream she'd had the night before. In the dream, she was with an extended family member of ours who has recently moved to another city, and they were visiting a church in the area. As they were celebrating the Lord's Supper and my mom's turn came, there were only crumbs left and she felt like she couldn't partake.  We smiled at the odd course that dreams often take. The next day, as our church celebrated the Lord's Supper and I sat next to our 8-year-old, the  dish of unleavened bread came down our row. Just like he always does, Derrin took a few seconds to survey the contents and pick the largest piece he could find. This one was particularly big. (I wonder if the deacons do that on purpose for kids like Derrin?)

He proceeded to whisper, too loudly, about the really big piece he got, and then he did the same with the tray of grape juice cups. He picked the one most full and let me hold it to prevent a purple spill, which has happened one too many times. We ate the bread and drank from the cup. It was good. The bread of forgiveness. The cup of new life gained through Jesus' suffering. A Good Friday celebration that comes to us again and again throughout the year. Solemn and sobering. Burden-lifting. Spirit renewing, even in the company of a squirmy, talkative child .

As many of us have reflected here at Good Dirt Families, it is the child who leads us. And the grandparent too. We want the biggest piece of Jesus we can get. We want to stop and survey the situation, and then choose carefully. We can't help but tell the one next to us in a loud voice about what we've found.

No, crumbs won't do. Being new and showing up only to find there's not enough--that scenario just doesn't fit the abundant life Jesus died to provide. How great to imagine each of us, like an 8-year-old, being intentional, selecting carefully  from this smorgasbord of life, eyeing Jesus, reaching for Him, and taking all we can get.  O Bread of Life, may it be so.

"Still Good" Saturday : Quiet, Alone, Time with God

When I was a kid, my mom rarely cooked a meal on Saturday. First, it was our day to clean house and she was too tired to cook; and second there were leftovers in the fridge. Still, every Saturday my brother would ask what we were having to eat and my mother would reply, "Skip its." At this point both of us would head to the fridge and stare into that endless abyss paroozing over it's contents. Some items we ignored like macaroni and tomatoes and salmon patties. The first time around they are great! But reheated the macaroni turns to rubber, and the salmon has the smell and consistency of something the dog threw up.  Skip it. Some items we fought of over like meatloaf with corn. My Dad swears meatloaf is best on the third day. Slice it and put it on toasted bread and you'll think you're a king. Still good. Any soups and stews were considered still good.  Beans and cornbread were a staple of my childhood and we could eat them for a week. Never goes bad. Still good.  Add ketchup to the beans and honey to the cornbread and a whole new meal appears. Still good.

I will never forget the time my brother and I were peering into the frigid abyss and spotted leftover cherry cheese cake. This is a family favorite and finding it was like finding gold. My brother grabbed it and headed to the table, unfortunately the constitution of the pie pan gave way and the whole thing fell to the floor. We locked eyes for few seconds. Panic and sadness echoed between us. Our thoughts must have shot back to our previous task of cleaning the kitchen floor (it was Saturday) and we declared simultaneously, "Still good."  We scooped it up in the pan that now looked like a silver taco shell, took it to the table and ate it. Still good.

For the next few weeks we'll post some blogs that have previously been run over at www.Renovare.org. These are some "still good," topics that might be helpful to think about again.

Solitude: Quiet, Alone, Time with God

I’m sure it started with a smirky look and words with tone. But the fight was on. Two sibling daughters throwing down over a Lego. Yes, a Lego. I was upstairs buried alive by laundry, when the commotion filtered up to me through the floor. As I rounded the banister, in a mad dash to save the dueling darlings, or maybe just to see who would survive, I heard the crash of broken glass.

Getting to the bottom of this was going to be no picnic. It was a barrage of “she started it”s and “it wasn’t my fault”s. So I banished them to the outer regions of time-out. The little one, the instigator of all words with tone, snatched a book off the coffee table as she went sulking to jail.  It’s her favorite, a book of Psalms for children by Marie-Helen Delval, great stuff for the beginning reader. Usually there are no books in time-out, or anything fun, but this day I let it go.

After both girl folk had paid their debt to society and were let out of perpetual nothingness the little one said, “Wow- I needed that.” With my mouth agape, and an eldest sister eye roll, I questioned the why of that statement. “You know when you just need some quiet, alone, by yourself time with God, and you don’t get it- you can go crazy.”

My people went on their merry way and forgot all about that stray Lego. But as my days wind up and wind down and my looks get smirky and I use words with tone, I must admit her words stick. Without a regular dose of solitude, quiet, alone time with God- I do get crazy.

How about you? What are some ways you can carve out some quiet, alone, time with God for your littlest people?

How about some of that time for yourself?

Rotten Apples in this Basket

When we were waiting for our son to come along, my husband and I agreed that we wouldn’t immerse ourselves in all the parenting books that are available out there. We didn’t want the confusion that is inevitable with so much conflicting advice and felt that our time would be better spent elsewhere. Looking back, I’m really grateful for that intentional move because I’m quite heavily influenced by what I read. And recently our Good Dirt devotions have been cutting me to the quick.  

You know how parents are told to make sure to shape their child’s attitude so that their behavior is just right so that their lives will turn out perfectly? (Even in Kingdom Living, we find ourselves losing track and aiming for ‘perfect’, so bear with me here) And you know how no matter what you say to your child, what you do is about the only thing they’ll actually pick up? Well, I’ve been doing my math lately and concluded that my poor son has little hope of ever being perfect. Not because of his attitude or behavior……but because of mine.

We came across some evening questions recently that went something like this: “How did you work with God today? What kind of good did you spread?” Good Dirt – Kingdomtide

I had allowed a dark cloud to remain over my head the whole day that affected every behavior and decision. So would you believe, I actually skipped over those questions and didn’t ask them? I didn’t ask them because I didn’t want to answer them. I didn’t want to consider them. The very thought of examining my own attitude and trying to answer how I (hadn’t) worked with God that day made me feel narcoleptic. Sleeping is an effective way of hiding. I really wanted to just sleep it off and wake up to a new day. In fact, I did. And of course I found that the new day required the same humility and repentance of me.

And then I saw this on the opposite page: “Tell about a time today when it was difficult to tell the truth.” (Stop it! Just stop!)

Isn’t it such a wonderful thing that bad attitudes and a refusal to work with God are redeemed at the cross?

“Lord, my heart turns toward you in repentance. Please transform my indignant attitude into a flexible one – one that works with You. Help my eyes to remain focused on You and not to look for an alternative goal. Thank you for drawing me to Yourself. I rejoice in You!”

If you need some time to reflect on the Grace and pursuing Love of God, take a long, quiet moment to read through Psalm 139. I’m writing that here so I can remember where to go when I need to turn my attitude around tomorrow. I’m glad I’m heavily influenced by what I read.

-Tamara

Margin Making

This summer I have been about the work of making margin. My life was feeling overstuffed. Like a balloon that had too much air; like when you know in your soul that one more puff of air would be one too many.  And you know what they say, "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye." (My husband also says, "Your nose is not a pocket," but that's for another discussion.) Since there are only so many hours in a day, I had to let go of some things. I began to write in my journal each evening, recording those things that were sucking the life out of me. Not the things that left me tired, but the things that gave me little life. After a month of listening here's my partial list. (I only share it because you might find these things on your list, too.)

I'm letting go of the work of managing my image. Trying to manage what people think of me is exhausting. (And truly it's a facade, people are not things, they can't be managed. They can be loved, but won't put up with management for long.)

I'm letting go of worry. If the very worst I can imagine actually happens; still I am never abandoned. I am never alone. God is with me and his resources are endless. As Dallas Willard used to say, "The universe is a perfectly safe place to be," and this is true because God is always with me. I have nothing to fear.

I'm letting go of outcomes. It's a humble act to do so, and I'm growing into it. To release outcomes is to admit the limit of my reach, the end of strength and influence. It's to actually rely on the Holy Spirit and put a stop to the smoke and mirrors of perceived control.

None of these things can be released by sheer will. But they can be replaced with things that create space instead of fill it. Here's a short practical list of replacements that were helpful for me.

• Add a time of silent prayer with no agenda. Once when I wake up, and once before I go to bed. Just be in God's Presence. Bring my attention to him and smile. For a few minutes-- smile, and know with certainty he smiles back. (The key to this is longevity. Benefit is found in taking the long road. Do this everyday for a month and then "see how it's going.")
• Listen to my children and spouse, completely, all the way through to the end of what they have to say. Take a deep breath, and breath a prayer before I answer. I have heard it said that "Who we are at home is-- who we are."
• Give up media (especially FB) for a set period of time.  At the end, reflect on how it made me feel. I asked the people who live with me how it changed my behavior. (I refuse to tell you what they said.)
• Reflect on my motives behind my commitments. (This one required courage.) Ask why I (examples are not all are applicable to me)-- teach Sunday School, serve on the school board, parent a certain way, read my Bible...) Bring my motives to God. Then I try to be honest and look and see if the source was image management, worry or concern with outcomes.

I have been about this work before and I'm awfully glad to enter in intentionally this summer, again. But I suspect I will be about this work for the rest of my life.

Making margin has yielded big wide open spaces. I have stepped away from some things, found the courage to change others. I have found space enough to love my neighbors in practical ways when they need it. Space enough to listen to my daughter's concerns about adulthood. Space enough to throw a baseball with my ten-year old who desperately wants to learn to pitch. Space enough to cry with a friend through past hurts. Space enough to confront my sin. Space enough to hear God smile and smile back.

How are you making margin these days?

*The book Margin Richard A. Swenson, M.D. has been a great help.

*Lastly, I struggled with the transparency of this post. Letting readers in on a little bit of my own "crazy" is risky. I'm drawing courage from one of my favorite Saints. It is said of Columcille (also known as Saint Columba of Iona) that he "is the archetype of the 'peregrinatus',the wandered or pilgrim who abandons security for a journey which is extremely costly, and yet whose reward is ultimately everlasting life." -taken from the Wisdom of Saint Columba of Iona

Sabbath Moments

Our pastor is doing a series about the 10 commandments this summer. Our children's curriculum is following that series so the entire family hears the same thing each week. A few weeks ago was our turn to teach the kids. We even got to choose which commandment we wanted to teach on. We thought teaching the Sabbath would be easy...but to children? As we thought about it...do no work...rest...take time to do nothing and reflect...we thought about our kids...WHO DO NOTHING! Haha... don't take that the wrong way. Our kids have and do chores. They have animals that they care for. They maintain their own rooms. They do things for our elderly grandparents. But not without being asked. Not without direction to do so. If we let our kids just go for a day they will find random devices to play on or jump on the trampoline for hours or draw/write in their rooms or just plain play/waste the day away. It irritated me that I was thinking my kids whole lives are Sabbath! So we thought and pondered some more.  This is not a direction given to adults only. My kids have relationships with God so it is as much for them as for me. So what did we learn in trying to teach kids about keeping a Sabbath?

1. It does not have to be a certain day.

2. Kids are great Sabbath keepers. They are not bound up in the busy busy American lifestyle. They live to relax and recharge.

3. I need to watch and learn from them...there is a time for everything. A time to play, a time to dance, a time to clean, a time to let it go!

4. During certain times of the year Sabbath moments are all we can get. My kids are busy during school and more relaxed in the summer...my schedule is always full but I can find a moment to redirect my thoughts to Jesus.

5. Sabbath is not just a relax and do no work day. It is a set aside (holy) time to reflect on Jesus and HIS work and worth in our lives.

6. Kids know how to relax but need to be trained (as we all do) to be intentional about focusing on Jesus.

7. Some of my favorite Sabbath moments are...

a. Late afternoon (almost) every day Mike and I sit down together and have a glass of something and just be...if only for a few minutes.

b. I love to hang out laundry. I have been known to work from the outside in on my round clothesline. It is peaceful and smells like Jesus in the middle of that circle

c. Music...dancing with my people...pretending we are the band...singing in the kitchen

d. Mowing the lawn

e. Going to the mountains, beach, forest, canyon, lake, anywhere natural where again you can smell Jesus and see just how creative he is

f. Just that 5 minutes before we fall asleep.

I could go on and on because this taught us to look for and appreciate those moments. Those moments where we can make it an intentional Sabbath. We want to teach our kids that "down time" can be productive in our relationship with Jesus and to the kingdom of God.  So Happy Sabbath Friday!

When Summer Goes Better Than Expected

Two months ago, I was convinced I needed an amazing summer bucket list to get through the weeks ahead. I thought I would need special activities hidden away, a plan for each week, and plenty of discipline to survive the summer with both kids at home. And while there have certainly been challenges, there has also been... joy. Simple joy. I think I was worried about the kids being bored, and feeling like I needed a prepared response to that boredom. There are tons of "boredom buster" ideas on the internet for moms--just take a quick glance at Pinterest and you'll see a few hundred. And then there's the other side, the articles about why it's good for your kids to be bored and how we need to stop scheduling every moment of our kids' days. I knew my own opinion fell somewhere in the middle, wanting a balance of activity and boredom for all of us this summer. But even that can turn into "scheduling boredom" and over-thinking each day. Gradually I realized the answer was even simpler: just show up each morning.

The idea of being present in the moment is one I have been working on for a long time. (In fact, my very first blog post was on this same topic.) My tendency is to rush into the future, at least in my mind, always thinking about the next thing. I think being a mom fosters this type of thinking, as I'm constantly feeling the need to be one step ahead of my children. But I love this quote from James Bryan Smith:

"I had been thinking a lot about American 'hurry sickness,' always being in a rush, and the causes behind it. Hurriedness is an inner attitude that is not necessarily caused by out circumstances; boredom is one of its symptoms. The solution to the problem is counter-intuitive: being present where you are."

So this summer, whether we were at swim lessons, or Legoland, or our backyard, I have tried to be there. To not spend my time thinking about the next thing. To wake up each morning, figure out what needed to be done that day, and to know it was enough. To stop and see my children in all of their 5- and 8-year-old glory. I was created to be their mom, right now, in this place, for this summer. I'm relaxing into that more each day.

The summer list has been great, and we've done a lot of the things on it. And several things will remain undone as the summer comes to a close. I'm not one who likes to leave things unchecked on the to-do list, but I am giving myself permission this time. Because showing up each day has been more important than fitting it all in.

May you find joy in the showing up.

Rain on Me

Here in Western Colorado rain is a big deal. I live at 7,800 ft above sea level; I live in high desert. Pinion Pines, Prickly Pear and Sagebrush dot our landscape. Most of our moisture comes in the form of snow in the winter... and in the form of rain in late July and early August. After the dog days of June and July, hot and dry, fire fears, and sun burns; rain is life. Today as I packed up my things to go and listen to children, I could smell the rain coming. It's like the sagebrush let off their sweetest smells in anticipation. The cats burrowed in the hay, the goats bedded down. All the earth knew rain was coming and prepared accordingly. The horses were feeling it too, they ran the length of the fence to show me so.

I arrived at my destination and set up my things, invited a child in and listened, Holy Listening.

Rain. Rain was on the lips of the children. "What is it about the rain?" I asked.

"It's like what new feels like," said one.

"It's like God's says 'shhh. I've got something to say,'" said another.

"I like to play outside when it's raining. Have you felt it on your face?" asked a boy.

"Well yes, when I arrived." I said.

"No, not like that. When it's on your face and your just there to catch it," he replied.

Humm... when was the last time I stood out in the rain just to catch it. Just to hush up and hear God's whisper through water, to feel with my skin what new feels like.

Tonight.

Teeth brushed, drinks given, I asked my own children, "Where did you see God today?"

"In the rain," they both said.

"Today when I was going to the garden and it started to rain. It was soft and strange, but made me feel clean," says the one who hates to bathe. (I wanted to ask, so was this a good thing?)

"It's like this, Mom. Rain is like how God wants to help us be like Jesus. It's strange because, well, people are mostly dry. We know rain keeps us alive and we know we need it to keep clean, but it's so foreign and God knows it so he gives it to us in little bits."

And a little child shall lead them... I think I'll go sit outside, I hear thunder.

*Just in case you are wondering... the children gave me permission to use their words.

Gentle Whispers

Summer with kids screams the daily, material, ordinariness of life. In the prominence of all the ordinary, the tangible presses in on our moments and envelops our days as they spin into weeks and march toward Fall. Yes, we cherish the shining moments of  spectacular sunsets and interludes on the pavement viewing roly polies as they curl and uncurl. We triumph at a first ride on a two-wheeler and delight at a bouquet of dandelions. But so many other moments during summer involve the weary obligation of cleaning up after a camping trip, chasing flies around the house,  spraying stained clothing. Hanging up wet towels and clothes, pulling weeds, intervening amid squabbles, mopping the floor one more time to find missed popsicle drips, removing splinters, applying sunscreen to squirming bodies, putting away bedding from last night's sleepover, and buying yet another box of bandaids. Summertime is multi-tasking at its finest.

I find that in all the rush of nonstop ordinariness, I wonder if my kids are noticing God. I wonder if they're sensing His presence in these days that for them are magical, glorious, sun-drenched times--but times where they seem quite focused on themselves. I wonder when that awareness of God and life underneath the surface of this one finds a regular  place in their living.

The other day we were reading Good Dirt in the morning, in the family room with sleeping bags and pillows. My neice had spent the night with our two younger boys. They were up (very) early and bursting with energy. We read Mark 2:13-22, about the calling of Levi and about putting new wine into new wineskins. And then we got out paper and made two columns: The Kingdom of Me and The Kingdom of God. I expected resistance, but each child labeled their columns and readily got to work describing what each column was like.

One of them wrote this:

Kingdom of Me--bad things happen. I get disiplend (sic) Kingdom of God--Good things happen. God gets sad.

They didn't miss a beat in understanding the difference between the two kingdoms.

Later I read something by Dallas Willard. He has a new book out titled A Dallas Willard Dictionary, where various spiritual formation terms are defined using excerpts from his various books. I read the definition of "Spiritual Reality."

Spiritual reality is the hidden--because nonphysical--ultimate and powerful foundation of the visible, material and finite universe. It is the "where" of spiritual beings. It is the kingdom of God.

And this is the quote included with Willard's definition:

The visible world daily bludgeons us with its things and events. They pinch and pull and hammer away at our bodies. Few people arise in the morning as hungry for God as they are for cornflakes and eggs. But instead of shouting and shoving, the spiritual world whispers at us ever so gently. And it appears both at the edges and in the middle of events and things in the so-called real world of the visible … . the tendency of life in Christ is progressively toward the inward word to the receptive heart. The aim is to move entirely into the hidden realm of spiritual reality …” (excerpted from Hearing God)

Once again, I knew that these kids have eyes to see underneath the surface of their days. They can hear the inward word, and by and large they have receptive hearts. These kids are living in the kingdom of God. Even in summertime.

A Prayer: Be the Gardener of My Soul

My eldest daughter's favorite prayer book is Richard Foster's Prayers From the Heart. We have been working the opening prayer into our days lately and thought you might find it helpful.

Be The Gardener of My Soul

Spirit of the Living God, be the Gardener of my

soul. For so long I have been waiting, silent and still--

experiencing a winter of the soul. But now, in the strong

name of Jesus Christ, I dare to ask:

Clear away the dead growth of the past,

Break up the hard clods of custom and routine,

Stir in the rich compost of vision and challenge,

Bury deep in my soul the implanted Word,

Cultivate and water and tend my heart,

Until new life buds and opens and flowers.

Amen.

Richard Foster, Prayers From the Heart. Harper One:New York 1994. 3.

Today

Sometimes life knocks the wind out of me! I have had a few of those weeks recently. But as Elizabeth Elliott says "just do the next thing." So we get up and go to work and fix dinner and laugh and play and cry. Then after some time goes by I see there needs to be more intentionality on my part to be forgiving. I heard Joyce Meyer say one time that "Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die." Unforgiveness turns to bitterness in my heart if I don't diligently dig it out. It becomes a cross to bear. It becomes a power trip I have to sustain. It becomes a noose around my neck squeezing the life out of my entire self. I see it affecting my life outside of my own body too. I see that my fruits are drying up. I see my relationships squelched. I hear my words become harsh. So I go to the cross! I wait expectantly to hear from God and He never lets me down! So this is what I read...

Galatians 5 (paraphrased from The Message) 

"When you attempt to live by your own plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. You wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit...what matters is faith expressed in love! You were doing well...you let (unforgiveness) deflect you from the true course of obedience. This doesn't come from God. DO NOT think this is insignificant. It only takes a very small amount of yeast to permeate an entire loaf of bread. ... It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Don't use this freedom as an excuse to do (or think or feel or act) whatever you want to do and destroy your own freedom. Use your freedom to serve one another in love...that is how freedom grows. ... Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. There is a root of sinful self interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit. So choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law dominated existence."

Now granted that's a lot of paraphrasing... but all in all it is saying to me if I choose to not forgive I am being selfish and binding myself to a feeling and choosing to remain in a position of hurt and anger, and it WILL infect other areas of my life. I may be justified... my pain and hurt is very real... but I can not use my freedom as an excuse to hold onto that because Jesus says to let it go! MY freedom is killed by MY right to hold it.  If I forgive then I am freeing myself from having to have any control over that pain or  issue. Forgiveness allows me to minister the fruits of God's amazing Spirit.

To think of living freely, animated and motivated by God spirit reminds me that I can tap into an incredible force. The same force that created me and the world and frogs and stars.  Forgiveness is for me, for my freedom, for my relationship with God, for my interaction with others. I love the last line that choosing to be led by the Spirit is to escape the erratic compulsions of law domination. The law is full of retribution and consequences but faith expressing itself in love is totally opposed to that way of thinking. It is freeing to me because I don't have to carry it. It allows me to be the best image of God that I can be while anything and everything goes on around me. It keeps me in perfect peace when my heart is steadfast.

So today...TODAY...I will forgive and leave those hurts with Jesus. Tomorrow I will do it again, until it is natural or until I meet Jesus face to face and it just doesn't hurt anymore.

The Real Beauty of It All

Every summer our family spends a week with extended family, where about 14 of us gather in one big cabin in a small, mountain town to play, sleep, and eat together. We watch hummingbirds from the kitchen window, walk many times a day down dirt roads to visit the lake, throw rocks in the river, and catch fish. It's a slice of idyllic life and a time we look forward to all year.

This past week we spent the 4th of July together in this spot, and in the flurry of packing I forgot to include our copy of Good Dirt.

We have nine kids between the three families, ranging in age from 7 to 19. Several are teenagers, and last week as we got two or three days into the week some of them were needing to slow down and consider their words and their attitudes. It seemed apparent that even in idyllic locations we all need the Word and the Spirit of God to speak and guide our living. Even vacation days and cousin time need the breath of Life we get only from time with God.

So, Aunt B. pulled out my Bible and got the attention of the kids who were still having breakfast at the table and those who were in the adjacent family room, sprawled on couches and the floor. "Hey guys, it's devotion time!"

With no Good Dirt, my mind turned to the letter of 2 Timothy, which was the book our church had been focusing on in a Bible reading plan we were doing together.

"Who knows who wrote the book of 2 Timothy? And who knows where he was when he wrote the book? Who was Timothy and why was Paul writing this letter?" We talked about all these background details and then read chapter 1.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)

The little kids knew this verse. Where did they learn it? VBS last summer! It was the theme verse and they remembered. We all talked about how God's Spirit supplies us with these important qualities--power, love, and self-discipline.

And then,

Of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. [Yes, Paul was in prison and heading toward death, we had reviewed together.] Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. (2 Timothy 1:11-12)

My sister and I broke into chorus of that hymn we'd grown up singing, containing that last verse, word for word. And then we read on to chapter 2:

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. ...

In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be  instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.  (2 Timothy 2:15-16, 20-21)

We talked about what it means to be holy, to belong to God and to live differently than some others in the world live.  And then we prayed together. One of the teens volunteered to lead us.

We probably spent fifteen minutes talking and reading. Not a real long time. But I realized something that morning. Because our immediate family has been reading the Bible and Good Dirt these last six months, that time with the kids felt easy and natural for me as a parent. I didn't need Good Dirt to prompt the questions or set the agenda for our reading. And I wasn't worried about what to do or say with the kids. It all flowed pretty easily.

I think that is the ultimate goal of Good Dirt. Lacy and Ben haven't said it in so many words, but isn't the best part of a devotional like this the way it helps us as families enter into God's Word together and let God form us, most of all through the prompting of the Spirit? The way we learn to spend time in the Word and with Jesus together so much more readily and naturally, no matter where we are or who is with us?

Thank you, God, for the beauty you bring to our lives when your Word enters us and colors our days. Your beauty surpasses all.

listen to the trail: behold a sermonless sermon

A child is a walking appetite. They devour with their eyes, they take with their hands wherever their little feet rush to carry them. If it fits in their mouth (nose, or ears) it goes in. The same is true of their hearts.

Devotions are to feed children with spiritual nutriment; to foster compassion, develop character and positive values. The Good Dirt devotional adds follow-up questions for children to ponder. The questions help children reflect upon themselves; upon their own emotional responses during the day. This helps my son. Picking out and naming the different colors of his emotional kaleidoscope is good for him.

In our family, devotions are a bedtime ritual. The nightly devotion involves dental hygiene, stories, cuddles, reflection and prayers. These nightly rituals are my wife’s creation. They are not my style. The practice of stopping the day to read scripture and pray feels unnatural to me.

As I am not from a Christian family, I do not have family traditions to incorporate into my son’s life. So I listened to my heart: when is the best time to commune with God? When is the best time to practice the devotional life with my son?

For me, the devotional life pulses in the solitude of a busy city crowd. The city bus, cafes and street benches foster the proper devotional space for me. Urbanscape, with its gray buildings and matching sky; where the city’s royalty parade past broken men sitting along metro stairs extending their hands—this is where faith, frustration and action take place. The devotional life needs daily life to make sense of its own faith-claims.

As a father, I have found the best place for shared devotions is outside, walking along a trail, at riverside, or near a pond. And there should be food, tuna sandwiches, apples and chips. We should carry tools too, pocket knives, compasses and flashlights. I carry one more item, a folded piece of paper with a psalm and a hymn.

After catching tadpoles in the pond, my son and I sit together in the shade for lunch. I’ll pull out my creased piece of paper and read it to my boy while he brushes the mud off hands before he eats. We easily talk about Psalm 1 as there are many trees growing near the water. How exciting for a ring-neck pheasant to fly over while talking about the Creator, and to hear a cuckoo in the pines.

Along with a psalm, I carry a hymn. Hymns are the meat and gravy of faith’s music. Hymn writers give us simple labyrinths of the common and the glorious, to wander and meditate upon. My son needs to know these people and their stories. I want him to have so much respect for Fanny Crosby that he thinks she is the worship leader for G.I. Joe.

Remember son, when I can’t be with you, carry a song of courage in your heart.

-Mark Liebenthal “plantingpennies”

A Reminder in the Ordinary days

I have come to believe that children exists not for the purpose of becoming adults but rather for the purpose of reminding adults how to be childlike. Let me illustrate. Several weeks ago my husband shared with our mission community about the importance of remembering Emmanuel, God with us. It was a short sermon, mostly challenging us on how we live out every day in this awareness of God being with us. Later we were discussing what this means to us and my six year old shared that it’s like sometimes when he is sick, he forgets. He forgets that God is with him in that moment. Such simplicity and yet so powerful truth there.

As we enter into the ordinary days, the days of the calendar that is not full of celebrations or holy days to remind us, it’s so easy to forget. It’s too easy to think of Emmanuel as the phrase of Christmastide and not of the everyday. This is where children come in handy, see my three year old does not forget easily. She is very sharp and that message on Emmanuel was powerfully embedded in her heart. Sometimes as a punishment, I will make her go sit in her room “all by herself” for which since she heard this message, she replies, “Not by myself mom, because Jesus is always with me.” What do you say to that? Or when the stuff animal needed to stay home from the car trip, “Oh mom, your right it’s okay that Coco stays, because Jesus is with him too.” Most of all through I have been taught by my little girl how the full belief in this truth truly does cast out all fear. Last week, while she was playing outside with her friend, I lost sight of them for a few minutes, but being confident that they were in the area didn’t worry too much about it. Later when she came inside she was telling me a story about her going to the school, which we have on the campus but is a good 500 yards from our house down a little path through the bush, so I figured that she was using her imagination for a good story. At lunch I learned from one of the students that she did indeed walk the entire distant in the bush to visit them at school, and when the student told her that it wasn’t safe for her to come out there alone she simply said “I wasn’t alone, Jesus was with me.”

As much as I abhor the thought of my three year old tromping through the bush by herself, I am so thankful that she knows no fear. I love the fact that she isn’t unaware of the danger but rather confident of the constant presence of Jesus, so there is no fear in that danger. I have been so challenged by her complete confidence and rest assurance every day that Jesus is with her. Through Good Dirt, we aren’t just trying to teach our children how to have a family devotion or a daily quiet time, through those things are good, we are trying to teach them how to make God apart of their everyday, every moment of life. Yet, who would have known that instead they would be teaching me these very things. That moment when I am scared or unsure, how easy it is to forget Emmanuel, yet, this beautiful princess in my sight is a constant reminder that indeed God is with us.

Glad Places

I've just returned home from bringing two of our boys to church camp for the week. Our other son is already away for a second week of training for a children's evangelism ministry he's taking part in this summer. And so, the house is quiet. We brought a neighbor boy and two neices along to camp, and all the way home as I drank in the blue Colorado sky with forests of evergreen and aspen, roadside streams and meadow flowers stretching mile after mile, I thought about each of the kids and each of their little personalities and passions, their gifts and their callings.

We read Good Dirt and the Bible this morning after final packing, and the passage we read from Luke 20 talked about a vineyard and unfaithful workers who mistreated all the  servants sent by the owner of the vineyard to bring back fruit. They even killed the owner's son.

"Instead of drawing the unfaithful workers, draw a picture of you working with God in his vineyard," Good Dirt instructed the boys. "How do you feel to be working with God? How does God feel to have you working with him."

And this drawing above is what my 8-year-old sketched very quickly. A big God and a small boy, working together in a vineyard, with God's response about how he feels to have Derrin working with him--an  imperfectly spelled "PERFECT!"

As I drove today I thought about my own process as a girl and young woman of learning who I was and learning how my growing passion for God could best be lived out in this life He'd given me. I remember road trip vacations as a child when we listened to a couple cassette tapes of country music over and over and over to pass the time--and how I realized later that this style of music, though my parents' favorite, definitively  was not "me." I remember my dad's encouragement toward the study of law as I entered college, and how I wrestled with his prompting but determined I wasn't created for this profession. Just two random examples, but they remind me that my kids, and each child I know and love, is created to meet God in particular ways and to work alongside God in ways fitting so rightly for him or her.

I pray this week that my two boys at camp, and my teenager sharing the Gospel with kids, will keep learning who they are and how they can best meet God. I pray they experience ways of loving God and worshiping him where they're at this week that fit who they are. And I pray they learn just a little more about how God has formed each of them to work with him in his vineyard.

Jesus talked so often about bearing fruit, about loving in action with God's love. I know my kids pretty well, but God knows them intimately in a way I never will fully know them. I pray that Mike and I can be parents and aunt and uncle and neighbors who will help the kids in our lives to pursue their passions along with God in the way Frederick Buechner described:

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."

I pray they pursue a life where they know God is smiling as he works alongside them, even in them, and where they sense him whispering something along the lines of  "Perfect!" as they are glad together.

A Father's Blessing

Since my eldest finished Kindergarten, I've started the tradition of writing a letter to my kids at the end of each school year.

It's written at an age-appropriate level so they can read it themselves which, in the early years, was a fairly simple undertaking--a recap of some of their accomplishments and a reminder that daddy loves them and is proud of them. But Lauren just finished 3rd grade and her reading comprehension is growing rapidly, as has her ability to grasp deeper emotion and meaning. So naturally, the letters have gotten a bit more involved.

In this year's letter I talked about the fun we'd had this year. I talked about how brave she was to sing in front of her class, and how good of a writer she is becoming. But I also talked about growing up--how I want to enjoy every moment of fun together, but I also want to help her grow into the strong, confident, smart and beautiful woman she will one day become.

Our church has recently started a new curriculum called Homefront, and I noticed this past week that the take-home sheet includes a suggested blessing for you to speak over your child. I've been thinking a lot recently about the Biblical practice of "the blessing" - words a father would speak that would impart a sense of purpose and meaning.  There is power in speaking that kind of truth into someone's life, to declare God's truth and to speak words of hope, purpose and value over them. It's even more powerful when you are speaking over your child.

So I've committed to figuring out how to do this, to give my children a blessing. And my first attempt was this year's letter to my soon-to-be fourth grader:

May God fill your days with abundant joy. May you trade worry for peace, knowing that He protects you and guides you. May you be filled with His Spirit, and may you share His love freely with others.

And may you always know that both your heavenly and earthly fathers love you very much.

What about you? I'd love to hear how others have learned to speak a blessing over their children.

Spring has sprung!

This has been a trying season! We are small business owners and winter is never easy in that area. Mike and I are both dreamers and see that grass is greener elsewhere. We feel safe and together in our little living room or kitchen and just doing our thing, Cooking, eating, playing games, doing our family "bible study". Sometimes outside of our walls the world is overwhelming.  Quinn is our rock, unwavering in his goals and dedication to his passions. Kadin is our comic relief, always a light! Isabella is our up/down/all around girl, quick witted and sweet. We wonder if our "crazy" is affecting them. We wonder if they will learn about God or know Him. Sometimes we even forget to pray for them that they will grow in their Christ-likeness. One of our mottos for parenting is "what is walked is caught what is taught is not." What are they catching? Then fear creeps in and accusation that we are bad parents etc etc etc. However, 4 times in the past week I have been blown away by my kids and reminded why we do Good Dirt.

1. Quinn heard about a friend that was sick and said to me "We need to pray for her!" I agreed and he said "NOW!" So we stopped doing our daily chores and prayed.

2. Kadin told me that during a birthday party at our house with 10 kids they stopped in the middle of the orchard in the middle of the game to pray for a friend that had broken his leg. I was amazed and blessed by their faith! Their instant faith in these situations.

3. Quinn said he would like to be baptized. Us not sure that he understands asked him why and what it means to him. He responded that "It is when you are poured into the water and blessed because Jesus loves you and you want to love Jesus." Yet again I am blessed by his simple and profound understanding of God.

4. When we picked up Isabella from a week at camp and were asking about her time, she of course talked of the friends she connected with. This can be difficult for her. I probed further and asked what did God speak to her. She said that God wants her to be humble. That it will help her have better friends and keep them and to share about Jesus more and better.

These are things I attribute to our Good Dirt devotions. The training of our minds to look for opportunities to pray and see God in everyday life. These are the things we teach our kids (despite our "squirrel" tendencies) and they in turn demonstrate and teach us.