When I was talking with Kaiser about what he might consider giving up for Lent (knowing he had no comprehension of a 40 day fast no matter how I worded it), he responded oh so quickly and with such certainty, “Mom, I don’t give up!” And he’s held his ground on that throughout. I have really been enjoying reading the Scriptures with my son each day. This month we stopped our morning reading unintentionally and I really miss it. We are getting back into the swing of good mornings again as spring blooms around us and our health is restored.
Our evenings continue to be full of good conversations, though. I really appreciated Lacy’s “The Opportunity of Night” post – it’s the perfect time for heartfelt talk. It’s so good. Of course, with Kaiser “heartfelt” includes discussions on aliens and poopy diapers. And there are many, many nights where I’m too tired to answer his questions with any semblance of reality (usually because I’ve answered 3,568 similar questions throughout the day). But I know these times are precious and I know God’s Living Word is moving and working in the heart of my little boy.
When we entered the season of Lent, I decided to forego facebook and coffee – two precious things to me – with the intent of looking to God more often and with more longing. I couldn’t have anticipated how deeply this last minute decision would impact me. This is my first time giving anything up for Lent (that I can remember – I think I’ll give up remembering things for Lent next year). And I’ve found that I miss coffee far more than I miss facebook. Missing coffee has turned the very center of my being into an ocean of longing – which I direct to Christ, allowing that longing to reach for Him instead of for coffee. It’s surprisingly physical, this longing. I feel it. Everyday. I smell coffee and I reach for Christ. I like it that Kaiser sees me giving up coffee. He knows that I really like it, so doors have opened up for talking about how this makes me feel. And I like having conversations with him about when we don’t give up – and when we do.
Facebook has had a very different impact on this season of my life. Although it has been inconvenient at times (when I need to get directions to folks who are coming to my house for dinner and email or phone numbers haven’t been exchanged), it has been incomprehensibly freeing. My time isn’t bound by “catching up”. And my emotions aren’t on the roller coaster of cheering with friends who bought a new house one second and weeping with friends who lost a house the next. In all honesty, I feel anger and frustration more than any other emotion when I’m on facebook. I didn’t know that about myself until now. I like this freedom. It will certainly change the way I use facebook in the future.
Good Dirt: Lent, Holy Week & Eastertide (Week 4, Thursday Prayer)
“Jesus, help us to live in the truth so we can be free from the tangles we get caught in. Lies trap and tangle us, but your truth sets us free!”