A Life That's Cruciform

© JD Warrick, used under Creative Common License.

It's those bedtime questions that can require the very most we have to give.

I remember hearing Chuck Swindoll say one time that for parents, it's those moments we're tucking them in when kids are the most talkative. Don't rush through bedtime with your kids, he encouraged. They'll do anything to delay switching off the light. Talk to them. Listen to them. Take advantage of their open hearts and listening ears no matter how tired you are and no matter how ready you are to be done with parenting for the day.

Austin, my 11-year-old, asked this one as I was giving him a final kiss at the end of a trying day, to put it mildly. Our 8-year-old had been through two meltdowns, our high schooler had been home sick from school and then had gotten his braces tightened. We'd been to music lessons which meant a late dinner. The boys had been squabbling.  Fishing poles and line were spider-webbed around our family room in an effort to de-tangle. And Austin and I had just finished studying for a surprise test. It was time for bed.

"Mom, if Jesus asked God a question on the cross--'My God, why have you forsaken me?'--then how could Jesus and God be just one God?"

The Trinity. Who really understands it? And how do I talk about it, and Jesus' most difficult moment here on this earth, to a tired pre-teen when I am feeling on the edge of sanity myself? Many times we've talked about the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as 3 persons in one God, like an apple or an egg or a pumpkin--all different parts of one whole. That's the best way for our human brains to grasp what we can't really get. And this is what I pulled from down deep on this night. "Because the Bible tells us that Jesus cried out to God, we know he was talking to his Father. But the Bible also tells us  that Jesus is God, and that the Lord our God is One. So, even though our minds have a hard time really understanding it, it's true. Someday we'll understand it much better."

Now that I'm rested and the fishing poles are put away, I'm thinking a little more coherently. Not about my words to Austin, but about this place of mystery in our lives. The way we all deal with the unknowing that is an undeniable part of our Christian faith. As parents, and as people in relationship with God, we want to nail down the answers. We want to figure it out and learn it so we can defend it, and more, so we can live in an inner place of comfort.

I'm reading a book that pokes at this tendency of ours to want neat and tidy answers. To beneat and tidy people. It's titled Chasing Francis by Ian Morgan Cron and is the fictional story of a pastor who has a breakdown of sorts and travels to Italy to encounter Francis of Assisi in his millenia-old surroundings.

In talking with a few priests who are hosting him, the pastor begins to see his own unknowing, his own brokenness, with new eyes.

"You'll never be able to speak into their souls unless you speak the truth about your own wounds," one of the priest says. "They want a leader who's authentic, someone trying to figure out how to follow the Lord Jesus in the joy and wreckage of life. They need you, not Moses."

And then the priest says, "Do you know how Simon Tugwell described Franciscanism? He called it 'the radically unprotected life,' a life that's cruciform in shape. ... Maybe living the unprotected life is what it means to be a Christian."

That night with Austin and a house full of tangle--it was the right night for a question without a good answer. It was the right night to remember Jesus' agony in relationship with his Father. And, perhaps my weary attempt was what it needed to be. The mystery of God, the cries of our suffering Servant, and the untidiness of me--they're things my kids need to see. And that image of the cross, I hope it comes to mind every time I'm spent and need to share just a little more of myself.

*The TAU cross shape in the photo above is the one that Francis of Assisi used in all his writings, minus the head. He painted it on the walls and doors of places he stayed and used it as his only signature. The TAU is a letter in both the Hebrew and Greek alphabets and has long been used as a sign of the cross. This stained glass is found in the St. Francis of Assisi Parish, Sacramento, CA.

When Crackers and Juice Aren't a Snack

I grew up in a church where the communion elements consisted of unsalted crackers and a plastic shot glass of Welch's grape juice. You can understand how it might be a bit confusing to a 7-year-old boy staving off boredom in "big church" when the grown ups start passing around snacks ("look, the glasses are even kid sized!") and you don't get any.

Fast-forward 30 years--I'm in a different church, but they're still using the same plastic communion cups and economy-sized grape juice. And this time, it's my 8-year-old daughter who turns to me and says, "Can I have a snack too, Daddy?"

Usually we take communion while the kids are in Sunday school, but this past week we were celebrating the end of a series we'd been studying as a congregation, and all the children stayed for the service. So for the first time, our kids got to see the grown ups taking communion.

We weren't really prepared for the "can I have some, too" question. I know my little girl believes in Jesus, but the timing didn't feel right. Both Carolyn and I attended a class as children prior to taking our first communion, and I think there should be some kind of reflection prior to partaking in communion for the first time. There is a reverence and respect for the Lord's Supper, even at a church where flip flops and shorts are acceptable attire.

At the same time, it shouldn't just be a head-knowledge quiz where a passing grade gets you a seat at the table. So as Carolyn and I have wrestled with the question, "when is it appropriate for our child to take communion?" I've begun to cobble together a rough set of criteria to help guide the process with our kids.

• Have they confessed Jesus as their Lord and Savior?
• Do they understand the significance of communion?
• Is their faith their own?

I don't think there is an exact age we can point to--in fact, I think it's likely that our kids may start taking communion at different ages. For us, though, it's going to start with a conversation when they're ready and seeking; this year, we're using Passover as an opportunity to explain the significance of communion and help our daughter make the connection.

What about your family? How have you made the kids and communion decision?

Whats in a name?

"Call me by name oh Lord, when you call me into your kingdom!" In the last of our Lenten adventures we wanted to identify with people of a different race. Being multi-racial in our own family we had to stretch our imaginations a bit. So we went to a nearby ancient cliff dwelling national park called Mesa Verde. We have been there before and it is always interesting and fun to see and think about how people lived there. 7000+ feet elevation, 700+ years of civilization, farming, hunting, living to survive. This time was different though. We stayed on the Ute Nation reservation. Any person there could have told us what tribe they hail from. They could tell us stories from their ancestors. They could tell us their name and why they are named that. But the people that lived at Mesa Verde, that build these amazing feats of engineering (that have lasted for 2000 years), that survived in this area for over 700 years have no name. The government powers that be, have called them Anasazi for as long as I can remember but we now know that is a derogatory term from another large tribe in the area. So they are now called Ancestral Puebloans as ancestors of the modern tribes. However, no group claims this people now. They are nameless.

Even the term "indian" that we use comes from the fact that the early explorers thought they had found the East Indies. We use it to classify many people that don't identify with that name personally at all!

This astounded us. They have no name. Are they remembered? Are they valid? Are they significant in history? They were building a temple when there civilization stopped.  Why did they stop building it?  Who were they? We, in our culture, place so much value on a name.  We named our kids very specifically for the meanings. They fit their names. We wear names on our clothing. We drive vehicles with names. We associate names with our foods. We know that the name "Donald Trump" stands for money and risk," McDonalds" is fast food, "Hawaii" is sun and beach, "Mercedes" is nice car, "Organic" is better for you. "It's just a name" does not apply in this day and age. We use names to identify, to classify, to differentiate, to recognize, to assign, to clarify. These people from Mesa Verde have no name? How is that?

God calls us many things in His word...

"child of God"...John 1:12

"branch of the true vine, conduit of Christ"...John 15

"justified and redeemed"...Romans 3:24

"child and heir"...Galatians 3:28

"temple of the Holy Spirit"...1 Corinthians 1:30

"beloved"...Song of Songs

"new creation"...2 Corinthians 5:17

I could go on and on. HE calls us by name... HE changes our names to what HE knows us to be... HE names us!

Our "Lenten Adventures" have taken our hearts to see that the homeless need to be seen, the religious are doing what they think is best for them and their families, that those around us that speak other languages can be beautifully accepting, and that we all feel the need to be named. I'm not sure that the kids see how this applies to their lives or their relationships with God, but I certainly hope it makes us better parents to teach them the characteristics of God.

Rhythm

Rhythm, if there is something that I know it’s that some of us have rhythm naturally and some of us don’t. One of my favorite things of living in West Africa is the dancing, and maybe that’s cliché but it’s true. There is something so beautiful watching Africans dancing and every tribe or region has its very own dance. The music doesn’t matter, most often there isn’t any music, only the drums and that’s all that matters, the rhythm. Last week our campus celebrated the graduation of the discipleship training school and part of the celebration was dancing. In one particular dance, the African men would do the dance out front and then the women, both sets completely on time and amazingly agile. There were three non-Africans with them, whites to be specific, and they too joined in the dance. But it was quite a different dance. Not because they intended on doing a different dance but something in them couldn’t quite find the rhythm. They had fun and everyone cheered for them but the rhythm just wasn’t there.

In Good Dirt, we talk about setting up a rhythm to doing the devotional with our children. Trying to set a rhythm to it and work it into our daily lives. Although we are four months into it, I have struggled over and over again to do a set rhythm and I have finally thrown my hands up in defeat. I can’t seem to get the attention of my children to do it more than once a day, actually that once a day is a challenge by itself. As I wonder if I am the only white girl who can’t find the rhythm in this figurative dance (because I am always that white girl in the real dancing around here) I realize that I am trying to dance my own families dance to someone else’s drum beat. Our family isn’t the formal type, we are not very good at specific set traditions; we are more the spontaneous, flexible family type. So I have had to come up with our own rhythm, starting with getting my two year old on my lap and getting her to ask Jesus to focus her heart, her mind, her eyes, her ears, and all of her on him, while pointing to each body part as she does it. Wow, it has worked wonders in getting her to engage in reading time. I have started to try to simply incorporate our talking to God throughout the day as I remember. It’s starting to look a bit more like a beautiful dance with God. I finally see it, it’s not a sloppy movement of good intentions, but rather a rhythm of dancing with God in the everyday sloppiness of our lives. Maybe I will only have to be the rhythm-less white girl in the actually dancing. Here is to each family finding their rhythm of dancing with God.

Getting past getting on

Family devotions. Exercise. Dentist appointments. In the past all those things were in the same category, stuff you know is good for you but that doesn't sound like a good time. Thankfully our family is getting into some life-giving rhythms that elevate family devos out of that mix. But sometimes I still slip back into going through the devotion-motions. My wife and kids have a sixth sense for sniffing out when I'm in obligation mode. In those times everyone get restless at the table. Thumbs fidget. Frowns abound. We all know I'm just trying to plough through it so I can "get on with life."

Any move towards goodness means encountering resistance. Family time is no exception. In the past I've overcome this resistance through brute force of willpower. As you can imagine this is no fun for anyone involved. But there are areas where willpower can be used that later leads to life around the breakfast table. Here are a few things I've found helpful.

First, whenever possible I get up before the rest of the family and write or exercise. I don't particularly look forward to either of those activities but both clear cobwebs out of the mind and make me feel alive.

Second, praying aloud and singing worship by myself helps re-center me on what is important. A prayer might be something like, "Father, help me be present to my family today. De-familiarize my eyes, open them again to the beauty in front of me. My family is a garden which won't look this way forever. Help me to walk in it now, enjoy it, water it and be watered by it."

Third, on good days I help the kids get up in a gentle and unhurried way. When we all get to the breakfast table early the temptation to rush is removed.

Here's the truth. Everything I'm trying to rush onto in the day has nothing on the gift of my family's presence. My computer, in front of which I'll spend the majority of my work day, can wait. My thoughts can wait. My todos can wait. God is in all those things, too, but how much more is He present in this little community of God-imaged beings around the kitchen table?

Taking God on Vacation

A friend once asked, "Do you pray with your kids at breakfast? Why not?" We talked about it and I didn't have a good reason for why not, other than that breakfast was a less formal meal around our house and often we didn't all eat at the same time. I'd never thought about it before.

In similar fashion, I asked myself another question a few  years ago as we prepared for a big family getaway. "Do we take God on vacation? Why not? Does it make any sense to break from family devotions, time in God's Word, prayer, when we're seeing spectacular places in creation and having times of quiet and refreshing that are ideal for turning us toward God?"

So I decided on that trip to be intentional. "What will make the time most meaningful, and how can I plan for what's really important so that it doesn't get lost in all that's urgent in prepping for the trip?"

I decided that since we'd be spending many hours in the car on the way to the Grand Canyon, there would be ample time for looking to God, reading his Word together, and talking about what we were reading. Why wouldn't we do this when we were planning all sorts of other ways to pass the time in the car to avoid whining and fighting and wiggles?

We brought along Meet the Bible and every day on the road we made devotions our first pastime as we traveled the highway toward our next stop. Grammy (my mom) was with us on that trip, and the time having devotions together turned out to be not just meaningful and not just God-focused, but a time we won't forget. Grammy shared stories from her life as we all talked about the Scriptures. The kids listened and responded to her and asked questions about the stories. They didn't complain, didn't think any of it strange, and the presence of God permeated the trip in a way that felt natural, that felt good.

Well, spring break has just ended, and another family vacation. This one quite different from that Grand Canyon road trip. This time we flew to Florida to watch our high-schooler perform at Disney with his school band and choir. Devotions didn't work on the airplane, but Good Dirt and a small Bible were tucked into my carry-on and we pulled them out at the hotel. Yep, spread across hotel beds we read and talked together. I have to say-- it beat Direct TV hands down.

And once again, sitting with God and turning to the Spirit in a land of magic, dreams, and wishes helped anchor us in the Kingdom that is true, dreams that are God-given and wishes that are prayers offered not just on our own behalf but for a world in need of the God of hope.

Taking God on vacation needn't look the same for every family. We didn't get our devotion time in every day, and maybe your family time with God will take on a new and different rhythm from your time at home. Maybe you won't use a book. You might speak Scripture from memory. You might focus your family time on prayer. Or on journaling individually.

God will guide as you plan for vacation. His yoke is easy and his burden is light (i.e. not legalistic!). Ask for the Spirit to light the way to a plan that's just right for your family's next getaway. Then, when I bump into you and ask, "Do you take God on vacation?" you can tell me about all the ways you got away from home while getting closer to God in the face of new vistas and inspiring surroundings. I can't wait to hear all about it!

Never Give Up!

When I was talking with Kaiser about what he might consider giving up for Lent (knowing he had no comprehension of a 40 day fast no matter how I worded it), he responded oh so quickly and with such certainty, “Mom, I don’t give up!” And he’s held his ground on that throughout. I have really been enjoying reading the Scriptures with my son each day. This month we stopped our morning reading unintentionally and I really miss it. We are getting back into the swing of good mornings again as spring blooms around us and our health is restored.

Our evenings continue to be full of good conversations, though. I really appreciated Lacy’s “The Opportunity of Night” post – it’s the perfect time for heartfelt talk. It’s so good. Of course, with Kaiser “heartfelt” includes discussions on aliens and poopy diapers. And there are many, many nights where I’m too tired to answer his questions with any semblance of reality (usually because I’ve answered 3,568 similar questions throughout the day). But I know these times are precious and I know God’s Living Word is moving and working in the heart of my little boy.

When we entered the season of Lent, I decided to forego facebook and coffee – two precious things to me – with the intent of looking to God more often and with more longing. I couldn’t have anticipated how deeply this last minute decision would impact me. This is my first time giving anything up for Lent (that I can remember – I think I’ll give up remembering things for Lent next year). And I’ve found that I miss coffee far more than I miss facebook. Missing coffee has turned the very center of my being into an ocean of longing – which I direct to Christ, allowing that longing to reach for Him instead of for coffee. It’s surprisingly physical, this longing. I feel it. Everyday. I smell coffee and I reach for Christ. I like it that Kaiser sees me giving up coffee. He knows that I really like it, so doors have opened up for talking about how this makes me feel. And I like having conversations with him about when we don’t give up – and when we do.

Facebook has had a very different impact on this season of my life. Although it has been inconvenient at times (when I need to get directions to folks who are coming to my house for dinner and email or phone numbers haven’t been exchanged), it has been incomprehensibly freeing. My time isn’t bound by “catching up”. And my emotions aren’t on the roller coaster of cheering with friends who bought a new house one second and weeping with friends who lost a house the next. In all honesty, I feel anger and frustration more than any other emotion when I’m on facebook. I didn’t know that about myself until now. I like this freedom. It will certainly change the way I use facebook in the future.

Good Dirt: Lent, Holy Week & Eastertide (Week 4, Thursday Prayer)

“Jesus, help us to live in the truth so we can be free from the tangles we get caught in. Lies trap and tangle us, but your truth sets us free!”

John 8:21-32

-Tamara

God Lives on a Disney Cruise Ship in the Caribbean

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We don't travel long distances very much--partly because we've had young kids for the last 8 years, partly because we're definite homebodies, and partly because we already live in the most beautiful place in the world. But this past week we spent on a Disney cruise in the Caribbean, thanks to some very generous grandparents and a willingness to venture out of our comfort zone. And you know what I discovered? My view of God is so very small.

I like to take classes, read books, do family devotions like Good Dirt--all things that help expand my definition of who God is. I learn about God's character, and I remind myself often that the God I serve is loving and generous and trustworthy and good. And yet every time I travel, I realize "my god" is still so very small. I know the God who travels back and forth to my kids' school with me 6 times a day. I know the God who helps me with my children and joins me while doing laundry. I know the God who exists in San Luis Obispo and that He loves the people here. But it is so easy to forget that "my god" is the very same God who loves rich people on Disney cruises. And He is the same God who loves people barely scraping by with servant jobs on Caribbean islands. And He is the same God flying with people in airplanes all over this world He created. He is capable of loving and being with every one of us at the same time. My God is so much more than I allow Him to be most of the time.

A few weeks ago, my daughter asked me if five people were praying at the same time, could God hear all of them? Her definition of God is too small, just like mine. I told her that if five billion people were praying at the same time, God could still hear all of them. Even as I said the words, I knew it was next to impossible for me to believe, and I knew the look on Lauren's face said she doubted it, too. My prayer is that our family devotion times will expand our view of God, and help us to see more of who He is.

God, we believe. Help our unbelief!

The Opportunity of Night

Nights can be tough for children. The "If I should die before I wake," sorts of prayers aren't really helping things. Seriously. Nights, specifically right before bed, open the space for deep conversations and rich solitude. As a parent I view 8:30 as the finish line to freedom and I fight the urge to rush our end of the day conversations and prayers. Gone are the days when they can't read the prayers and therefore don't know I skipped the middle.

Now they read and lead the prayers, good stuff for sure, but it takes longer.

For Lent, I'm practicing slow bedtime. Long conversations and lingering prayers. I'm convinced (or I wouldn't be doing it) that this time prepares the space for solitude which is quiet, alone, private time with God.

Here's the Evening Prayer we're using this season.

Child-Like Friendship with God: Evening Prayer

Together in BOLD and Italicized

May the Lord Almighty grant me and those I love a peaceful night and a perfect end. Amen.

Our help is in the Name of the Lord; the maker of heaven and earth.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen

Luke 18:16-17

But Jesus called for them and said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.’

A time of silence to review the day. (This is where you might ask your "Weed" questions from Good Dirt.)

Psalm 131

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up.

My eyes are not raised too high for thee.

I do not think on things to great or marvelous

Or matters too difficult for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul

Like a weaned child with its mother is my soul within me.

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Lord make me dwell in safety.

The Lord’s Prayer

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work or watch or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ, give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous, and all for your love’s sake. Amen.

Lord, you now have set us free to go in peace as you have promised; for these eyes of mine have seen the Savior, whom you have prepared for all the world to see: a Light to enlighten the nations, and the glory of your people Israel. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever more shall be. Amen.

*Pieced together from Phyllis Tickle’s Divine Hours and Shane Clairborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove’s Common Prayer

Lenten Adventures Continued...

Our plan last week for our identifying with others was to attend a traditional Jewish Purim celebration, but due to an unexpected basketball tournament we found ourselves relating to the sports fanatic crowd. We fit into that a bit too easily as we hollered for our teams. So this week we planned to combine last weeks plan for the Jewish synagogue and this week of putting ourselves into the shoes of the homeless of our community. So we left our home for the 1 hour drive for the Shabbat service. We got there and it was not open. So we went to an Islamic community center and it was not open. So we went to the homeless shelter and it was not open. So we went to try our hand at panhandling and we could not find an open corner. It was bizarre! Isabella was sure God was telling us that this was a silly venture and we should just go shopping and Quinn was pretty convinced it was lunch time and Kadin is always game for anything where his people are. Mike and I were becoming more and more hesitant and anxious. Our nerves and pride almost got the best of us.

We almost just gave up and went to lunch. We finally found a corner and tried to make our freshly laundered clothes and recently showered bodies appear needy. And so we sat...in humility and disgrace. As we sat and watched car after car after car pass without so much as a glance our clothes became inconsequential. The ball was then in "their" court. We were there...putting our pride aside holding a cardboard sign...and no one would even make eye contact. If they looked our way at all it was hasty and they would quickly look away. We had been concerned about being recognized or considered "too clean" but no one really saw us. No one looked long enough at us to see that we were just regular people down on our luck. We could see another panhandler with a walker across the street making the same progress with his efforts as we were. We stood in pairs for a grand total 45 minutes. Not only did we not receive even a coin we barely received recognition of existence.

We certainly did not walk away with the results we anticipated. We rarely drive by a panhandler without giving something but from now on I am sure we will give the respect of eye contact and a hello as well as a dollar.

As for the religion quest we will try again. On a high note... next to the Jewish synagogue was a Church of Christ that had a prayer labyrinth. I was very excited as I have been aware of these for several years but not seen one so elaborate. So we as a family walked through it in the rain and prayed silently and out loud. We may now have to build one in our backyard! The ancients really knew what they were doing when they created such a wonderful and peaceful ritual.

In summary, as a hitchhiker Mike once picked up said, "Everybody wants an adventure except while its happening!" This day did not go as planned but it was still a learning experience and we are together and grateful to our loving God for our many many blessings!

Sacrificial Thinking

Chocolate? Sodas? T.V.?  What should I give up? Sharing with my newly 13 year old about Lent, these were the inevitable questions that were bound to come up.  I knew that one day she would question why I give something up at this time every year and wonder whether she should do the same thing.  I wanted to explain it in a way that would touch her heart and not leave her feeling as though this were just another trial to get through.  But where to start?

I was born and raised a Presbyterian but attended an Episcopal school though the elementary years.   This taught me about the dichotomy between religion and faith.  I watched my classmates who attended the Episcopal church “give something up” every year in the weeks leading up to Easter.  I heard them talk about how hard it was to not have a coke when everyone else was having one or how they had messed up and it wasn’t worth trying anymore.  I remember thinking “why did you try if it wasn’t worth it?”  To be honest, I thought that the whole idea was just stupid.  I mean, what do cokes and how many you drink have to do with Jesus? Not a thing as far as my grade school self could see.

Fast forward a few years to the time when I was deciding what religion would serve my new family best.  I wanted to raise my children in a church but I was left feeling as though something were lacking in all of the areas that I was seeking fulfillment.  I chose Anglican to try out and it seemed like a good fit.  A comfortable memory from childhood with real meaning.  But then came Lent… and the concept of giving something up was staring me in the face once again.  I looked past it for a few years, choosing to celebrate Resurrection Day without all the denial that came before.  And I realized, the deeper I went into my Lord’s life and His sacrifice, that I was missing something crucial to the experience of Lent. By looking past the trials to the celebration I was not getting the full picture.  I was fully embracing the worship portion of Easter without honoring Him with the surrender of something I was holding too dear.

I started with giving up meat on Fridays.  A simple enough sacrifice.  Until you actually try to live it out.  It’s hard in Western culture.  And there is the point.  I give up something that I have to actually THINK about.  Not something that doesn’t cause me any discomfort at all.  I give something up so that in missing that particular thing, or in having to think a little harder in consuming a meal on that day, I recall the sacrifice made my Lord made for me.  And it makes me think.  A lot.  About His death.  About His love.  About why I am choosing to do this to honor Him in my own very small way.  My sacrifice doesn’t equal His.  It could never come close.  But it can help me remember in a way that I might miss without that reminder.

Every year, I now put much thought into what I might be choosing to sacrifice during Lent.  Sometimes it’s very simple. Sometimes it is quite complicated.  But it always reminds me of Jesus’ devotion to me.  And in sharing with my children this year, the why’s became much clearer.  It all comes down to a deeper relationship.  I want to know Him more and this is one way I have chosen to do that.  It may work for them or they may choose a completely different way to show that they understand His surrender.  But He honors each heartfelt sacrifice.  Big or small.  Because our heartfelt sacrifices mean we are paying attention. And in the end that it truly all we have to offer Him.

The Poison in Every Day

I've thought a lot about sin and how we define sin these days, especially with kids. I went through many hours of training with the organization Child Evangelism Fellowship, and we memorized a definition, with motions, for sin.

"Sin is anything I think, say, or do that makes God sad or breaks his rules."

In my years of church and Bible club teaching, I've used the definition countless times in explaining and reminding kids as we talk about sin and salvation. But over time I've tweaked the definition to make it one I think will speak to kids even better ... and will travel with them as they grow.

"Sin is anything I think, say, or do that makes God sad because I'm doing it my way instead of God's way."

We live in a Postmodern world where truth is thought to be relative and so right and wrong are simply matters of personal decision. Really, the words right and wrong don't have much of a place in our culture anymore. And while most young children don't have issues with understanding sin and their own wrong-doing, the world they live in will soon test their inborn convictions.

All of these realities came to mind as two of my boys and I read John 7, a passage where Jesus stays away from Judea because the Jews are looking for an opportunity to kill him. "The world ... hates me because I testify against it that its works are evil" (v. 7). As we used our Good Dirt devotional we talked about why people don't like admitting they are wrong. And we talked about the discipline of Confession, telling God the truth about ourselves.

We took some quiet moments to pray silently, each of us, confessing our sin to God and asking for forgiveness. It was good time. Often in the past I have prayed with the boys before bed and asked God to forgive "us" for our sin from the day, knowing that we can only ask forgiveness for our own selves, but hoping my boys will take to this prayer of confession and make it their own. How much better, though, to let the quiet give them a place to do it personally, right here and now.

How often we forget even to acknowledge sin and ask forgiveness. It's so easy, on our own and with kids in prayer, to ask for things and thank God for blessings. We're forgiven once and for all through Jesus' death on the cross. But we still struggle with sin in this life. Paul talks about it often in his letters in the Bible. Without regular confession of sin, and the receiving of God's forgiveness, our hearts can't stay tender and humble, letting God be God.

I recently heard the author of a children's Bible speak on the radio. Sally Lloyd Jones (The Jesus Storybook Bible) talked about how we can explain sin to children.

"It's like running away and hiding and thinking you can be happy without God, but God knows there is no such thing."

"It's a poison that makes your heart sick, so it won't work properly anymore."

When Jesus came to walk the earth and live with people, he was all about the heart. Everything we do and are is an overflow of the heart, Jesus stressed again and again. The heart can't be happy without God. And the heart can't be healthy without God.

May we, and our kids, guard our hearts every day by telling on ourselves. We need the discipline of Confession. It will travel with us as we grow.

An 8-Year-Old's Thoughts on Family Devotions

We're about a quarter of the way through our year-long experiment doing family devotions together (almost) every night, so I thought I'd check in with our 8-year old, Lauren, to get her take on how it's going. Here's what she had to say.

What's your favorite part of Good Dirt so far?

I like answering the questions you ask, because I like knowing the answers. Knowing the answers makes me feel good.

What's your least favorite part?

That we do it during dinner time, because I have less time to do the dishes.

Which activity do you remember most?

Cutting off Daddy's ear! We were acting out the part in the story where Judas betrays Jesus and the one guy cut off someone's ear. I was pretending I was Jesus and Jon was the one who cut off the guy's ear. Jon used his sword and pretended to cut off Daddy's ear, then Daddy threw a fake silly putty ear on the ground and started  screaming and yelling "Ahhh, my ear got cut off!" I was supposed to heal his ear because I was pretending to be Jesus but I was laughing too hard.

You've done quite a few drawings for Good Dirt. Any of them stand out?

I remember making a picture of a horse. It was when they were getting a pony for Jesus to ride on. Jesus was riding on a pony because it was Palm Sunday.

What's one thing you remember learning  from Good Dirt so far?

Learning that Jesus heals people, even people who interrupted Him. Jesus loves everybody.

The Sun and the Rain, the Good and the Bad

"You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and the good, he send rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous."  Matthew 5:43-45. She likes to linger at the prayer sand box on our family altar. Nearly everyday she spends a few minutes there.

Honestly, sometimes I think her only purpose is to spill the majority of the contents on the floor.

Today, she prayed a sun.

"What's that?" I asked.

"You know, God makes the sun and rain for everybody. God knows when I'm kind and all that. And God knows when I'm screamy and all that. And I still get some sun and rain." she said.

I walked away and left her with God and her sun prayer.

But I prayed, "Oh Lord, when I'm "all that" you are good. When those around me are "all that," you are good. Give me your steadfast, long suffering, never giving up love. Help me to give sun and rain to those who need it."

Tomorrow I'm going to see how much sand I can dump on the floor.

Lent

So our Lenten season this year will be a bit different for us. We have in the past fasted as a family things like meat, media, other items from our lives that are "unnecessary." However, this year as Mike and I are frequently reminded how spoiled we are and we are constantly telling our kids how spoiled they are, we are trying something new. We both have travelled both to places where things are easy and where things are not so easy. We consistently find happier more satisfied people in places that struggle. Here in our Colorado lives where the sun shines and we are warm, fed and clothed we feel as if we struggle when we are looking to ourselves and our things or at our "neighbors" for our fulfillment.  So begins our season of Lent. As we were looking toward this season of penitence we asked our kids about what they might feel led to fast. Isabella decided on her own to fast pizza, ice cream, chocolate and peanut butter. Since the rest of us probably could not survive without 1 never the less all 4 of these things we are letting her fast these things alone. To Quinn we suggested he fast hot sauce as he literally has an addiction but you would have thought we asked for his arms...so we let this go too. Kadin is 4 and if it is out of sight it is out of mind so fasting for him is not too difficult since he just goes on to the next thing.  Mike and I just came off a fast from last month for another thing we have chosen to do. All this to say we aren't fasting.

We have decided to make our season of identifying with Jesus' sacrifice also a season of identifying with certain people groups around us. We have chosen 4 different people groups to delve into their lives. The 1st is those that live where they do not speak the language. In our tiny town of 2000, about half are Spanish speakers. Mike calls it "little Tijuana".  I sometimes find myself thinking that "They should learn English!" That confession out there... these are the 1st we are recognizing. On Sunday we attended a Spanish mass, then went to an authentic Mexican restaurant. I know that you are thinking that doesn't sound like much of a struggle. It wasn't. I must confess...we loved the service and we loved the restaurant. The church was standing room only and the restaurant we were recognized because we frequent the establishment. We used our tiny vocabularies of Spanish words to follow the mass and to order food. What brought it home for us was that we stood out! We were definitely the odd balls in both places and everyone knew it. We were not unwelcomed or treated unkindly. Quite the opposite! Quinn did say that if he couldn't understand his coaches or  his teachers it would be "totally hard!" But it makes him understand his teammates Juan and Sergio better and why they don't talk a whole lot.

We have plans for 3 more weeks of recognizing hardships of others...of putting ourselves into their lifestyles and into their situations. We could do this for many many months without exhausting a supply of groups. We are praying that our kids realize how good they have life and that we remember that our battles in this life could be so much harder. We all need to remember that ALL good things come from God and that to HIM and HIM alone are we to be grateful.

Fasting from Self-Reliance

Today, March 5, is Ash Wednesday. So begins our 40 day (plus Sundays) journey of Lent! (Just in case Lent is new to you—it was to me a few years ago!—here's a short video to introduce it.)

http://youtu.be/m3L3c23MfC0

Each year, many Christians use Lent as a time to refocus through the Big Three practices of Fasting, Praying and Giving. (More on that here.) And each year I've had a sense of what God was inviting me to fast from—certain foods, media, dining out, etc. (Never coffee. God loves me too much to ask that, right?)

But this year I wasn't sure. I started Ash Wednesday without a chosen fast, and was waiting on God to show me what would be helpful for me right now. And the answer I got was surprising.

This year, God is inviting me to fast from self-reliance.

You see, I've always thought of myself as a fairly needy person. I feel things deeply, and walk a thin line between health and anxiety or depression. My closest friends know that I need a lot of reassurance and comfort. This has always seemed like a failure, weakness, shame.

But recently God has been challenging that view for me. And today, as I sat to pray, God invited me to use a single word: "Help!" Not because I'm so shockingly weak. Not because I'm a failure. Not because I can't pull it together on my own. No—ask help, God said, because that's how I made you. Needing help is normal.

Kids understand this. They come to their parents for shoes to be tied, homework to be explained, monsters to be chased out from under beds, straws to be stabbed into their juice boxes. Children in supportive homes aren't often ashamed to ask for help.

Lent is not a time when we fast, pray and give to make ourselves stronger on our own. It's not a time we prove we're spiritual athletes, heroes who can endure harsh conditions. Rather, it's a time when set aside our illusions of self-reliance and independence—or our shame at needing help—and press into the love of our Father who loves to give.

I'm embodying this fast by spending 15 minutes a day sitting quietly before God, with my simple prayer: "Help!" And something tells me, that's the most grown-up prayer I'll have offered in a long time.

Peace on Earth

I heard the bells on Christmas DayTheir old, familiar carols play,

and wild and sweet

The words repeat

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

I have this song echoing in my head. I thought it a little strange that Christmas was hollering for attention just as Lent was opening his wide, grey doors.  “Hush, now! I’m trying to concentrate on concentrating. I’m trying to be Lenten intentional here.”

And thought how, as the day had come, The belfries of all Christendom

Had rolled along

The unbroken song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way, The world revolved from night to day,

A voice, a chime,

A chant sublime

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Our home has not been very peaceable this month with the stresses of illness and an unexpected hospital stay.  Yet our hearts have known peace.  Peace came with every prayer you uttered on our behalf.  Thank you.  Oh, thank you for those gifts.

Then from each black, accursed mouth The cannon thundered in the South,

And with the sound

The carols drowned

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent The hearth-stones of a continent,

And made forlorn

The households born

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

The world around us isn’t very peaceable. My heart groans more than it articulates words in prayer for the countries that are hurting so desperately right now. It’s difficult to talk with a 4yr old about these things. All he hears right now is……”Oh Lord, bring Your peace to Venezuela. Let your peace be known in the Ukraine. In Russia. In the Koreas. In Sudan. And South Sudan. In China. In Egypt…….”

And in despair I bowed my head; "There is no peace on earth," I said;

"For hate is strong,

And mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: "God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The Wrong shall fail,

The Right prevail,

With peace on earth, good-will to men."

I long to be an instrument of God’s peace. But I’m not always ready. I want this season of Lent to be a season of being ready.  May the Lord cut through my fundamental understanding of what peace looks like and how it needs to be brought to the hearts of those around me. May my son recognize the effects of God’s peace and become a herald of it.

“How can you prepare your heart today for Jesus tomorrow?”

-Good Dirt (Epiphany)

-Tamara

What's a Hypocrite?

I don't think we've had this particular discussion before with the boys. It was verses from the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 6) and questions in Good Dirt that got their wheels turning and, before we'd even finished the Scripture reading our 8-year-old was interrupting with, "What's a hypocrite? ... What's a hypocrite?" They couldn't really identify with Jesus' examples of blowing trumpets when giving money in church, or praying really loud on street corners, or fasting from food with troubled faces. So, the challenge was to bring hypocrisy to a kid's level.

"It's doing things so that other people will think you're a really good Christian, but you don't mean them in your heart. It's caring more about what other people think of you than what God thinks of you."

Well, that description seemed to satisfy. Except that our two younger boys haven't reached the place in life quite yet where they would conceive of doing good deeds to impress other people. It's not a motivation that resonates a whole lot with them. What you see is what you get.

However, as I've thought a little more on this, I've realized that we adults can sometimes use subtle ways of encouraging hypocrisy in our kids before they even really understand what they--and we-- are doing. For awhile our Christian school used a popular behavior program called Positive Behavior Management, where instead of focusing primarily on giving consequences for unacceptable behavior, teachers focused on praising and rewarding good and appropriate behavior. It was a big hit with the kids and it really did make a difference in the overall demeanor of the student body in classrooms and on the playground.  The kids rose to the occasion and loved being singled out for doing good things.

I wouldn't throw out this program completely. Encouraging kids is always good. Noticing the things they do right is biblical--the apostle Paul praised churches and individuals in his letters of exhortation. Praising those around us is part of loving them. The rub comes, though, when we consider what is motivating our kids to be "good," day in and day out, as they play with friends, serve their teachers and neighbors, and as they live as members of families in our homes.

That is what we ended up talking about this night where hypocrisy became our new vocabulary word. And Good Dirt helped us come to the crux of the issue with these words,

Today, Jesus is teaching us that because it is God whom we really need--not other people's approval--we don't need to act, perform, or pretend to be good to impress others. Let's practice that today by doing an act of secret service! Try not to be caught! Do something nice for someone else--maybe clean up after them when they're not looking, or make something nice for them, or do a chore for them--without telling anyone. Do it so only God sees!

That night our boys prayed, "Lord, help us not to be hypocrites. Help us not to have hypROCKrisy. Help us to do something in secret. Amen" The next night, again, they prayed for help in doing something secret--they'd forgotten. This may be an ongoing prayer. I don't think doing things in secret comes so naturally. It will be a good daily prayer for us all.

***You can get the next issue of Good Dirt by clicking on the title here and downloading for free, or you can order through Amazon. It's titled Good Dirt: Lent, Holy Week, Eastertide A Devotional for the Spiritual Formation of Families

Uh oh! Not quite...

We start the evening "Ok... lets say the Lord's Prayer together..." then I hear "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want..." oops... not what I was thinking. We giggle and try again.  What's your favorite bible verse?..."Jesus! Praise the Lord and helps the kids!" and  "For God so loved the world that he gave his only forgotten son..." uh oh again!  I  say  “What do you want to grow in your life?”  “Love? Joy? Lettuce?” Lettuce?!? Really?  These are just a few of the things we hear with our discussions about God, the bible, fruits of the Spirit, life with God and the kingdom. But we keep on keeping on. Through our daily Good Dirt readings we have learned to look at our days and remember how and where God was. Even when sometimes we didn't recognize Him.

I am so very blessed when Isabella prays for someone at her school to "walk in God's light." She attends a school full of the last chance kids. I'm not even sure she is aware that her words radiate light in that very dark place to kids from very dark homes.

Last night, our question was "when were you worried today" and watching Quinn identify where and how God helped him through that moment...that is good.  He is such a thoughtful kid, he tends to worry. For him to be able to recognize, even late, that God was there is so encouraging.

When Kadin says "Jesu(th) is with me! Jesu(th) love(th) me! Jesus help(th) kid(th)"... we remember what its all about. Our kids are being raised in church, in the word, in daily devotions, in daily prayer, in regular bible studies etc. They get some things wrong... but a lot right.

I am always learning God's heart as I grow with my kids. I re-learn those simple truths such as Jesus is with me...in this moment...in this dark place...and is so very gracious when I have it wrong. Thank you God for giving us these 3 lives to show us the way to your throne room and your living breathing kingdom.

"What if?"

First off let me start with a confession. The busyness of life has gotten the better of this family this past month and we have only managed to squeeze in a few days of family devotion time yet as I look at those few times, I always see such beauty. One of the days we managed to do Good Dirt, was a day on which Jesus taught us not to worry. Matthew 6:26 has always been one of my favorite verses; however, it was not in the context of worry for me, rather a reminder of my value as a person—that I am valuable enough to be cared for by God. I realized as I went through these verses with my children that it is easy for children growing up in a healthy household to trust God to provide for them because their parents do. It is as we grow up and begin to see the world around us that we start to need to learn this lesson of “do not worry”.

In the past year, I have been witness to many tragedies, horror stories and realities, that thankfully as a child, I didn’t know could happen to people I actually knew. It is seeing this reality, these horrors of the world around me that causes me to know why Jesus taught about not worrying in Matthew 6. When you begin to realize that these troubles of the world are a real thing, are not unusual, the temptation to fall into worry and thinking of the great “what if?” of life can become all consuming, which is why once again I say a prayer of gratefulness of being a parent.

When you are in the middle of toddler and baby chaos some days it’s easy to fall into envy of single or childless people. But wait, what does that have to do with worry? Well I may homeschool my son, but daily my children teach me in God’s ways. As we read this scripture I asked my children what three things Jesus specifically says not to worry about, and my son quickly responses “food, your clothes and the day.” That’s when it hits me, we often fear the day, the moment when each day no longer becomes a blessing but rather a day of "what if."

To not worry is more easily said than done, it takes conscious effort every day to choose to not worry. One thing works best for me: a heart of gratitude. When I think on my worries, the things that could happen or what I do not have, I become frantic, irritable and frankly rather selfish. But when I think of all that I have, when each morning instead of waking up thinking of how little sleep I had, thinking on what a gift it is to have another day where I am healthy, blessed with three wonderful children, a great marriage, worries don’t find a way in. Celebrating that each day, each penny received, each plate of food put in front of me, is more than most in the world has, I find that peace and joy easily replace worry. This is something that my children teach me. The joy of having a favorite food, or a soda on a hot day, rejoicing over playing a great game with their friends and laughing at the fact that you can make another person laugh. Where is worry to be found amongst such? “Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Mark 10:15